Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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