yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I cannot find my penis.
I am spending my child support on dildos
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
