We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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