I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
