Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
