"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
