literally had 100 drinks last night.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
