dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
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