In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I think a kid would responsible me up
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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