it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
