he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
