Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
