Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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