dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
