Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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