The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
