the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Randomize
