My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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