Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
