So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
