Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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