mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
this must be what syphilis tastes like
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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