she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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