that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
