Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
