I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
