I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
