I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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