Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
