Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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