i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
