Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
