Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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