Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
