if you like me you must not know who I am
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
