oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
