Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
why do cheetos always look like penises
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
