i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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