dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
