I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
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