he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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