You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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