winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
