I forgot how hot balto sounded
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
