he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Randomize
