oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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