White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
