He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize