im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
