I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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