Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
