Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Did I show you my penis last night?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
