i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
