seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
