I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
