Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
